I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
