awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
