My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
