I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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