What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
