I'm gonna have a badass scar
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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