Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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