i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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