i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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