i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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