He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
