Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
