I didn't shave. On purpose
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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