We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
