Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
