I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
