we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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