So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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