we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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