My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
