He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
