My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
