I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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