I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
