Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
