"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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