Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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