btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
