does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
