It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
