Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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