I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
