I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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