i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
