I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
