is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
