Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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