My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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