Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
