I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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