Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
