What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
