How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
