We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
