No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
