dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
