Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
