Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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