I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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