You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
